new moons, old moons

location: my cousin's attic bedroom in west london. all up in my head.
listening to: kate nash

there were new moons rising over the new forest in hampshire where i went holly-picking with my aunt & uncle. the deep green leaves were guarding the season's unusually scant berries deep in their undergrowth. there are whole new worlds somewhere in there.

on the eurostar, looking out the window, watching the french countryside slip suddenly into the tunnel underneath the english channel, i closed my eyes & saw the same things playing in my head that were there the first time i took that train. outside there is just darkness, nothing to stick your eyes to, & my imagination conjures up girls with gills sliding out of the windows, swimming upwards in the inky sea following the bubbles that burst on the surface. i thought of the future & the past & the present that links them together. i thought of who we are being always the same. emerging on the other side, i saw english sheep & the rolling hills & sighed, thinking "ahh, i am home." the trouble is, i sometimes feel at home & homesick all at once, not knowing where to be homesick for. sitting by the fireplace in southampton, sitting in the attic in london overlooking the church of hanwell, i feel at home here. standing on the tube platform with all my suitcases around me, holding a bag full of fresh goodies from the mouffetard market, i feel at home until i open my mouth & am marked as a foreigner.

tonight there will be reunions at heathrow & i will write all about my christmas & days in winchester, southampton & london soon, but now, i need to eat some soup, read, & get rid of this headcold.