she looks at herself even when she is not looking at herself, a small external turn, biting her tongue, nibbling her lip, becoming aware & aware again that she has both a private and a public self, a self that is changing in relation less to her moods & more to her surroundings; this is something akin to losing one's virginity, looking in the mirror, & trying to trace before to after.
a boy came into the bookshop today & just kept smiling at me with his eyes & talking to me about things that didn't matter. he wrote me a poem & called me the keeper of fine words.
this week i am looking after cats in their natural habitat - housesitting for my poetry teacher's friend in montmartre. she will be going to canada for a month & so she took me for a drink near laumiere, her metro stop, & showed me which cafes get the best morning sun & which are best in the afternoon. the apartment is so beautiful & full of all the simple luxuries i have grown accustomed to living without. i don't think i will even believe that it is me who is there, making french toast in the morning & singing to the cats as i drink coffee with the floor-to-ceiling windows open next to the desk where i sit, making incessant spelling mistakes for speed on the typewriter. i can have baths (but i get so bored in baths) & call you on the phone, a real phone, as i dangle my feet off the balcony! i will have dinner parties & cook zucchini fig crumble, caramel chocolate mignardises, creme brulee pain perdu, butternut squash soup!
also, during this time i will be renting my own apartment to a lovely swedish girl who is now living at shakespeare & co, & needs a room in order to get paid at the organic bakery she just started working at. the moment when we worked this out, everything was just so perfect & we realized synchronicity & we hugged for our witnesses. the best kinds of favours are the ones that seem completely reciprocal.
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