i could see the sunset through the window, through the black scramble of branches whose buds are still only almost-open, and instead of seeing the sun as a little sphere on a pulley, i saw it as what it really was: a stable thing which we were throwing ourselves toward, hurtling forward without trust but with an innate understanding and ambitionless but forced direction and not wanting it, not believing it could be, any other way.
"in the future, our life will be decided according to that feeling of vague urgency."
"yeah, because we make our own schedules and rules."
i can't catch up with all the time i've left unaccounted for here. the weather has been nice lately. we are no longer walking around in god's nasal cavity. even when things are not good, they're good.
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